Are You Accidentally Sabotaging Your Feedback with Humour?

Have you ever given someone feedback, only to realize later they didn’t take it seriously—or worse, didn’t even realize they’d received any? Maybe you softened the message with a joke, thinking it would land better. But when nothing changed, frustration built, and when you finally told them directly, they said, “But you never told me!” Sound familiar?  

I’ve been there—especially with my kids. Sometimes, instead of being direct, I’ve wrapped my advice in humour. The result? They were left confused: “Is Dad annoyed, or is this funny? Should I stop… or maybe he wants me to carry on?”  

This same problem shows up in leadership. Giving critical feedback is hard enough, but too much humour can make your message unclear and ineffective.  

So how do we strike a balance and use humour effectively when giving feedback? Here’s how.  

Giving direct, critical feedback is one of the hardest tasks for any manager. Most of us dread these conversations—avoiding the message altogether or diluting it with a “ST sandwich” or a tone that suggests it’s not a big deal. So, is there a place for humour in delivering difficult feedback? 

Here are three ways to use humour effectively when giving critical feedback:  

1. Break the Ice and Ease Tension  

Humour can create a relaxed atmosphere, helping the person feel less defensive and more open to the conversation. Used well, it sets the stage for constructive feedback without making things feel too heavy.  

Example: Some people I coach on virtual presentations are poorly lit. I’ll point this out by joking their lighting feels a bit film noir or Norwegian thriller, and then offer suggestions to improve it.  

 2. Highlight Positive Intentions  

Balancing feedback with humour makes it clear your goal is to help, not criticize. By softening the tone while staying direct, humour builds trust and keeps the conversation productive.  

Example: People often rush through presentations to get it over with. To make them laugh, I might do a lighthearted impersonation of their speed, then remind them their story matters and deserves time to unfold.  

 3. Use Playful Analogies to Reframe Feedback  

Relatable analogies help feedback feel less personal and more approachable. Humour clarifies your point while keeping things positive.  

Example: If a presenter is oversharing, I might say, “So much information—amazing. But this cake is too rich. Less is more.”  

Three Things to Keep in Mind:  

1. Be Mindful of Timing: Gauge the mood before using humour, as it can easily be misinterpreted.  

2. Use Inclusive Humour: Ensure your humour connects and builds trust, not alienates or belittles. 

3. Blend Humour with Sincerity: Pair humour with encouragement to ensure your message is clear and constructive.  

Humour, when used carefully, can make feedback feel less like a blow and more like a helping hand. But always remember: truth, clarity, and sincerity come first.