Confidence is Overrated – Focus on Connection Instead

I was running a leadership workshop at Samsung when the topic of confidence came up. I tossed out, half-jokingly trying to layer on the irony, “Can you ever be too confident?” expecting a polite laugh and a knowing nod – as in probably not.

Instead, someone practically leapt in: 
“YES! We watched this webinar the other day, this external guy was so confident it was unbearable. He clearly thought he and his product were the second coming on steroids. You couldn’t get a word in. It was like trying to interrupt a TED Talk performed entirely for his own reflection.”

Another person admitted they bailed early, spiritually wounded by the man's smug forcefield. So yeah, apparently, there is such a thing as too confident. 

Now, of course confidence matters. My wife’s friend went to drama school with a now-Hollywood A-lister. At college they were neck-and-neck, maybe even leaning slightly in her friend's favour. Three decades later? Red carpets, awards, their own Wikipedia page (two actually). I asked my wife’s friend what made the difference. She smiled and said, “This inner confidence. She just always believed she was going to make it.”

I’ve heard similar stories from athletes, people who weren’t the most naturally gifted but made it to the Premier League simply because they decided they belonged there.

But  the thing is, confidence alone isn’t enough. In fact, too much of it, particularly the forced, spray-on variety, can backfire spectacularly.

What matters even more than confidence is connection. Because if you’re not connecting with your audience, whether you're presenting, pitching, or just chatting, you’re not really communicating. You’re just monologuing.

Connection.

You want to come across well? Don’t blast your brilliance at people. Connect with them. Here’s how:

1. Focus on the end goal – What’s the message you want to land? Keep your eye on that prize. Confidence is about you; connection is about them

2. Be open and curious. If you’re closed off, guarded, or just waiting for your turn to talk, you’re not connecting. You’re broadcasting. Be less human megaphone, more human being present.

3. Use your body (not in a weird way). Eye contact (not death stares), a little forward lean, the occasional nod like you’ve heard of empathy, it will go a long way. Even over Zoom, you  can still physically connect.

And here’s the delicious irony: when you focus on connection, you look confident anyway. The real kind. The kind that makes people lean in, not check out with the “So sorry I have to go to another meeting!”

Unlike that poor guy trying to sell something to Samsung, who may still be out there somewhere, presenting with the un-faltering confidence of a man who’s never been interrupted… or invited back.